A divorce need not be all doom and gloom. For some, it is a relief to know that they will no longer be legally or emotionally bound to their former spouse. This is particularly true when a marriage has been plagued with fierce quarrels, harsh criticism and hurtful actions.
When spouses enter into a marriage, they may have come in with their own expectations. For example, while the husband may expect his wife to do the bulk of the housework, the wife may have believed that such chores would be split equally. When these expectations are challenged, discontentment can snowball into resentment. A divorce would therefore be a relief as spouses can be as individualistic as they want. Divorcees would no longer have to pander to their ex-spouses and be absolved of responsibility for maintaining a marriage.
For children, they may look forward to a divorce as it would mean the end to a hostile family environment and quarrels between their parents. This is because even young children should be sensitive enough to feel the tension between their parents and be negatively affected by it.
A divorce is definitely desirable when a spouse has shown narcissistic or anti-social behaviour. Narcissism is defined as the pursuit of gratification due to the egoistic admiration of oneself.
The two types of narcissism are:
1. Grandiosity: Your spouse thinks that he or she is superior to you and will never be grateful for your actions as they feel entitled.
2. Vulnerability: Your spouse fears being unwanted and is anxious when people allegedly don’t treat them with respect.
Narcissists can be manipulative and highly demanding. When you start questioning their behaviour, they rage and blame you for all the martial problems, painting themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor. They may even emotionally blackmail you into staying with them despite their unreasonable behaviour.
To deal with narcissists, use reason by arguing with verifiable facts. Never put up with abuse or the narcissist’s self-pitying behaviour. When negotiating a divorce with your narcissistic ex-spouse, predict arguments that he or she will bring up and prepare your chosen lawyer beforehand. Remember, choose your divorce lawyer so that he or she can deal with your narcissistic ex-spouse without drawing you into petty and time-wasting fights. After all, you are free to walk away from the marriage due to your spouse’s unreasonable behaviour.
Ultimately, a divorce should help you to get away from a bad marriage. Rather than focusing on the forgone possibilities, you should feel relieved to put your past behind you and look towards the future.