Fighting for custody may be bitter and ugly. The legal process could be long and emotionally draining, and the child would inevitably need to stay with one parent.

Parents can therefore consider co-parenting, whereby the two parents work together in a harmonious or neutral manner to raise the child together, even though they are no longer living together, or divorced. When properly implemented, this method can have a positive effect on children. This is because the children would be better assured of both parents’ concern.

While keeping family conflicts strictly private may be second nature to many Singaporeans, counseling could assist children in coping with their parents’ divorce. In particular, professionals trained in dealing with children with divorcing parents may be better equipped to objectively discuss the divorce and answer questions.

Some possible agencies to consider are:

• Care Corner Centre for co-parenting (www.carecorner.org.sg)

• Help Family Service Centre (www.helpfsc.org.sg)

• Ppis As-Salaam Family Support Centre (www.ppis.sg)

• Thye Hua Kwan Centre for family harmony (www.thkmc.org.sg)

In whatever circumstances, parents have to be sensitive to their children’s feelings and willing to discuss the divorce. Although you may be inclined to start blaming your spouse or spilling your grievances to your children, the key aim is to allow your children to talk about their honest feelings. This would reduce the chances of your children having unresolved traumas from your divorce.

Ultimately, children will be detrimentally affected by their parents’ divorce. It is therefore critical to discuss the divorce openly with your children, depending on their levels of maturity, and address any concerns they may have. More importantly, do not try to influence or even damage your children’s relationship with your spouse as that would lead to more problems.